This is another one of those times where I need clarity on the vocabulary used in these prompts.
Funny means embarrassing right? I certainly hope so because those are the only stories that popped into my head at 3am when I was thinking about writing this. And my embarrassment is your laughter…
So, let’s get into this horror already!
October 14th: My Funniest Childhood Memory…
(Read the original Blogtober 2014 post here!)
I don’t think you can ever be prepared for what I’m about to tell you. Just don’t try to drink any beverages and get through this post. I honestly feel like you might die.
All of my most embarrassing middle school memories involve boys and really bad music…
I’m sure there are far more than three great stories to really give you the full perspective on me as a tween, but these are the only ones that I can stomach sharing. Even this feels like too much… But here we go, I was incredibly boy crazy as a young person.
Early on, I remember in second grade being absolutely in love with my teacher, Mr. Allen. In my memory, he was so frickin’ hot… and sometimes I would sit alone and pretend to be sad so that he would pay extra attention to me. Fucking needy from the very beginning.
At the same time, I had the biggest crush on a boy in the class named Jack, and his brother PJ.
Things get more embarrassing from there…
Fast forward to middle school and I was essentially in love with every boy, always.
Specifically, there was this one boy… his name was Robby and he worked at AppleBee’s. He was the host and I would help him roll silverware and stare at him admiringly. I also dedicated the song “Hanging By A Moment” by Lifehouse to him. Like I would cry listening to it because I “loved him” so so much.
Robby was the first boy I ever emailed and I still remember the exact email address… I got into huge trouble actually because I had the kids AOL account and when he emailed me back they sent a copy to my dad. It was a whole thing. Thanks dad.
Long emotional/embarrassing story short: After the embarrassment associated with the email fiasco, I moved on to a different host. I went to Dave & Busters, won a stuffed lion, and took it to AppleBee’s. I gave it to the new host in front of Robby so that he would know that I no longer cared and was so not embarrassed by the email situation and my father. Oh to be young and in love again.
Next up, the tale of me singing…
Do y’all remember answering machines? There was this dude and we would occasionally talk on the phone for hours. (Which is exactly why I only text now.) This was way before cell phones were common and even before Caller ID was standard, so, at his house they would screen calls.
That meant that whenever somebody called, nobody would up, you spoke into the answering machine, and then someone could decide if they wanted to talk to you. There was this one time, I did my usual thing, I called, I was all, “hey, it’s me,” but I didn’t get an answer. So. I. Sang.
I fucking sang Mandy Moore, “I Wanna Be With You” on a fucking answering machine.
I’m literally dying right now typing these words… I am so embarrassed. Why are teen girls like this? Why was I like this? Who told me it was a good idea to behave this way? It’s not. Don’t be like me.
And for my last trick, 1,000 miles of embarrassing…
Comparatively, this story is going to be a little lack luster for you reading it. However, for me, looking back on what a desperate little weirdo I was… it’s still horrifying.
I once, wrote all of the lyrics to “A Thousand Miles,” by Venessa Carlton in a birthday card to a boy. Now, this was before lyric sites were really a thing, so first I had to wait for the song to come on the radio and record it to cassette. Then I had to play, pause, and rewind, until I was able to copy down the lyrics perfectly word for word. I was dedicated to this expression of love, ok?
Sure that’s a little bit embarrassing, a Vanessa Carlton song… but that’s not all.
You might be wondering, why I picked it, what’s so great about it? Why did it hold such meaning for me and this boy? Well, the answer is, because I wasn’t old enough to drive and I would literally have had to walk if I wanted to see him.
Tell me your funniest or most embarrassing story too!